A short, living observation — not fully formed, but moving.
What I’m Noticing
Tonight, I went for a gentle jog through the park.
Nothing big — just a mile.
But it’s the most I’ve done in a while,
and that feels like something worth noticing.
My mind felt clearer as I moved.
I wasn’t trying to solve anything — which is unusual for me.
Usually there’s a background urgency… a puzzle to fix.
But outside, it felt like things were being processed
without needing my control.
For so long, food, cigars, even massages
have been comfort — survival, really.
They stepped in where connection was missing.
Those weren’t failures.
They were what helped me stay alive
when I had to get through everything alone.
And now…
I’m getting a glimpse of comfort that comes from another human:
the kind that softens the nervous system
instead of spiking it.
With even a little of that…
I can feel something shifting.
My body wants healthier things.
My home wants to become grounding.
I want to treat myself well — not in fantasy, but in reality.
It feels like a new rhythm is forming:
From survival → into support → into connection → into growth.
Why I Think It Matters
My coping mechanisms were loyal companions.
I don’t resent them.
But I can sense I won’t always need them.
Security is slowly replacing scarcity.
Presence is replacing panic.
Comfort is becoming relational — not consumable.
What’s happening now is revealing a simple truth:
Life was incredibly hard without connection.
And now…
it’s beginning to feel possible.
The Open Question
What if healing isn’t about removing old comforts…
but gently outgrowing the need for them
as new ones enter my life?
I’m still figuring this out…